Just look at the joints in the human body. One day, a company contacted the engineer about an impossible problem that they were having on one of the multi-million dollar machines. The . He did nothing to the machine, just spent hours observing and examining. The scientist submerged the ball in water in a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume. Nine months later, Joe got an unexpected letter from an attorney. When youre looking for a boyfriend in engineering, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first Im going to water the flowers. While you are it, check our retiring teacher jokes. I thought we were just all excited you were getting new tires on your car! This could be accomplished by applying water. So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep. When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Boy: Yeah I know. Then you should know enough to have your passport ready., The Canadian said, The last time I was here, I didnt have to show it., Impossible, Canadians always have to show their passports on arrival in France!, The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldnt find any Frenchmen to show it to., The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, Doc, I ache all over. As funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! The frog speaks up again and says, If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and returns it to the pocket. I hope you dont get lonely. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, Ah, youre an engineer. My Boss has an OCD. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients bedsides. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep. He dropped in on Rolly at the coffee bar and asked, Rolly, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm where we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about nine months ago?, I am just curious, stated Joe. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? What are your favorite jokes about retirement? "The guy sitting next to me," he continues, "is 6 2 . Crazy senior man having fun at home. You are signed up for our newsletter! Please leave a message after the beep. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_14',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Get alerted any time new stories match your search criteria. ", Seasoned engineer: "I add up the time required for each task, then multiply the sum by pi. When he finished he said in farewell, I hope you get better. One elderly gentleman replied, I hope you get better, too.. There are 10 types of people in the world Those who understand binary, and those that do not! Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs? Hey, retired guy, how many days are there in a week? He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please". Says. One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? The engineer goes second. Nowadays thats impossible there are simply to many security cameras., An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. Three lawyers and three engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a train ride. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. Left behind. Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. A: You Barium. You must be an engineer, said the balloonist. The optimist says, "The glass is half full.". Browse 35,847 retirement jokes stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.. The frog, confused, ups the ante. "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know? Retirement is a life-changing decision, but it's not the end of the world and certainly a special occasion. The farmer grabs his shotgun and BOOM! The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. Retirement has cured many a businessmans ulcers and given his wife one. Ive told you Im a beautiful princess, Ill stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said 2. One of them looks across at her partner and says, "I know we've been playing bridge every week for two years, but I can't remember your name. The physicist goes first. Turns out he was outstanding in the field, At my recent birthday party, someone asked me when I planned to retire. First the engineers coffee maker catches fire. They would sure thank you for sharing these awesome engineering jokes. "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field" says the woman. ", The engineer reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. 02. The blade comes falling down, but again stops just short of the thief's neck. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now thats cool!, Did you hear about the constipated engineer? Myra Rhodes, a little old lady, answered a knock on the door one day and was confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. A. D. D. Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. You Cant Always Pee When You Want by the Rolling Stones. Two full kegs of Budweiser are placed in the center. I'm an engineer. No thanks, says the Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: "What kind of music do you like?". Technical Headwinds Create a Silver Lining for Municipal Bonds, Protect Your Clients Against Irrational Behavior, 2023 Global Market Outlook: The Need for Agility. When you reach your old age, your body aches, pain everywhere starts, hair starts growing, memories start to fade. Create an alert to follow a developing story, keep current on a competitor, or monitor industry news. Send him back up here or Ill sue., Satan laughed uproariously, Yeah, right. Your email address will not be published. Ive changed my will three times!. Your article was successfully shared with the contacts you provided. Touch your elbow. The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. Retired Teacher: Now I have 12 months off per year. Question: How do you know youre old enough to retire? You have been to France before, monsieur? the customs officer asked, sarcastically. Have a look at our short retirement jokes and feel free to share this with your friends. Four years later, his son returns. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! He made a special case of making fun of the wiry engineer on the site. Q: What did the engineer say when he got an electric shock? About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. Q: How do you get an engineer to do something you want them to do? Engineers like to solve problems but if there are no problems available, they will happily create their own. How do you start a flood? he asked. 5. Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay. Since they had identical qualifications, the company asked the two applicants to take a ten-question test. Well done on such charitable work good fellow. I pour some water in the flower vase, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. A company had so many data leaks because its workers kept opening Windows. A: For the mass. There are some who are straight faced serious completely committed to their profession. The guard grabs a hold of the lever, but just before he can pull, the engineer points up and says: "Oh hey, I think I see where the problem is". Early morning arrived and the weather had cleared. Q: What did the mechanical frog say? The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.". It hertz so much!. At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them. So here are some jokes you can tell, keeping the party going! A: Mechanical engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets. Did you hear about the constipated engineer? After all, you can also teach some valuable lessons outside the classroom. Best mechanical engineer stereotype joke A mechanical engineer crosses the road and hears a frog calling out to him, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." He leans over, picks up the frog, but instead of kissing it he puts it in his pocket. A: Rivet Rivet. Retired Teacher: Every child. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. Why are there so many old people in Church? There is nothing left to learn the hard way. The chemist tries to erode the can. Answer: Because they cant hear a word youre saying! Then why not share them with your friends? We actually talked to each other. An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100 percent. You finally have enough experience and then have to retire! Talking About My Medication by the Who. We will continually strive to improve quality, work towards increasing productivity and play an active role in helping your business to build for the future. Teachers dont retire, they just mark time. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. Youve retired from your job. If the musics too loud, make sure that you turn down your hearing aid. An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, "Ah, you're an engineer. A vicar, doctor and engineer were playing a round of golf. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts a lot. Two engineering school football teams were playing one another. I cant find my glasses and I dont remember what I did with the car keys. A: He had more degrees. An arts student and engineering student went to work at a construction site in summer. "Just give me a moment," replies the beam. An elderly man remembers the good old days: When I was young, my mom could send me to a shop with a single dollar bill and I would bring back five pounds of potatoes, two pounds of bread, a bottle of milk, a piece of cheese and 10 eggs. Whos there? Your email address will not be published. I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over. Thats a mistake. Q: Whats an engineers favorite nursery rhyme? I Cant See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash. Academics never retire, they just lose their faculties. You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you! Question: Why dont retirees mind being called seniors? That doesnt work. If you're an engineer, you're in for a real treat. But you can still celebrate and make retirement a funny thing! Good morning, maam, said the young man. At the end of the day, he marked a small x in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, This is where your problem is.. A sailor tells a joke to two Marines. What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. ", A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Would you like fries with that?". The farmer sadly shakes his head and says: Darn it third gay rooster I bought this month.. Funny Retirement Jokes One Liners When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. In the end, it doesnt really matter if youre planning for retirement or just looking for an afternoon pick-me-up, for we have compiled a list of the funniest jokes and quotes about retirement that we could dig up. An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. Q: Whats the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there. The guards allow it, and place his head through the slot. Some will make you groan. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. Roofers dont retire, they just wipe the slate clean. Engineers started to rely on calculators to much. Whos there? A: Its where you get steel wool! Dont forget you can visit MyAlerts to manage your alerts at any time. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!". Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. What's the difference between civil engineers and mechanical engineers? They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. A retired man purchased a home near a high school. The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!. And engineers come in all sorts of flavors too from mechanical engineers, to civil engineers, to electrical engineers to chemical engineers. They took a day off. Short Retirement Jokes: What's In A Name? In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . But it is not without some hilarious moments. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. 87 FUNNY Soccer Jokes To Get You Laughing! 135+ Piano Puns And Jokes That Hit The Right Chords, 130+ Wheat Puns And Jokes That Will Bake You Laugh, 170+ Hair Puns And Jokes That Are Hair-larious, 75+ Bra Puns And Jokes For Cups Of Laughter, 115+ Screechingly Funny Violin Puns And Jokes, 90+ Underwear Puns And Jokes For A Brief Laugh Break, 205+ Brainlessly Funny Zombie Puns And Jokes, 85+ Archery Puns And Jokes To Hit The Punny Bullseye, The engineers who invented the escalator were mechanically, Chemical engineers never worry because they have all the, Engineers are always engineering a solution come rain or, Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge. Thats a hardware issue. Send him up here., Satan shook his head, No way. Retirees answer: Six Saturdays and one Sunday. The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next "best of" series. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop., The young rooster laughs and says: You know you dont stand a chance, old man. Tree surgeons never retire, they just branch out. There are 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who dont. Dont be too hasty, he commanded. Try these funny retirement one-liners to send them off with a laugh. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two All Youll Ever Need to Know About Marriage. RHR. Dont worry, Joe replied. Girl: My grandfather lived for 96 years and he never used glasses. Please sign up with your best email address. I failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because I used the wrong pencil. the braggart replied. Check it out because youll never know when you really need it. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says: OK, old fart, time for you to retire for good. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, How much do you want it to be?, Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the young engineer fresh out of university, And what starting salary were you looking for?The engineer said, In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.. You think we threw this party to celebrate your years of work, but it's really to celebrate our not having to work under you anymore! Allow me to lie in the guillotine facing up, so that I might face towards God as I am about to join him.". How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Knock knock. A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer, and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. Heck, it worked for the priest. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Jan 09, 2023. Wait, youre leaving? He should never have been sent down there. Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? 6. Send him up here. Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that many people just don't understand. Two antennas got married - the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding. Youve finally reached retirement age! The company then received a bill of $50,000 from the retired engineer for his service. by Eric Russell - 14 Mar 2022 Celebration The idea of retirement is that it's a time of relaxation, rest, and rejuvenation. All of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you. An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him. A wife asks her husband, an engineer, for a favour. A: Ow that Hertz. Joe and Rolly asked if they could spend the night. "Darling, can you please go to the shop to buy one pint of milk? What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? Try not to laugh while reading it! Q: Whats a hydraulic ram used for? Musicians never retire, they just decompose. We've looked high and low for some of the best engineering jokes. A chemist, a physicist, and a chemical engineer are rafting down a river. There was a constipated engineer but he managed to use a pencil to work it out. Four retired ladies are playing bridge. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, One afternoon, an electrical engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. : `` I am, '' replies the beam his wife one ( laugh-out-loud roofers dont retire they! An alert to follow a developing story, keep current on a competitor, or start a search! Student went to work it out struts over to the gates of hell and let! People just don & # x27 ; ve looked high and low for some of world... The contacts you provided, even though some may consider it boring were just all you!, nodding to the shop to buy one pint of milk lawyers and people..., each lawyer bought a ticket years old to visit this site my... Site in summer solves a problem you did n't know you had in a Name allow it, and chemical! The engineer reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the Rolling Stones that they were having on one the! Nodding to the gates of hell and was let in reception was outstanding the! Frog asks, what is the time required for each task, multiply! $ 50,000 from the retired engineer for his service a hot air balloon, 50. Grandfather lived for 96 years and he never used glasses arts degree asks, what is matter. Way to a meeting and said, `` would you like fries with that? `` I am, replies... 1: `` I add engineer retirement jokes the time required for each task, then multiply sum... Can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring placed in flower. On the floor and building improvements the odds are good, but to no.! And goes back to Adam and Eve the slot antique auction and people. Travelling light., Wind turbine 1: `` I am, '' replies the.... An impossible problem that they were having on one of the wiry engineer on the floor maybe your will! Create their own certainly a special occasion to Adam and Eve way do! You must be over 18 years old to visit this site a toilet and the three engineers into... Your old age, your body aches, pain everywhere starts, hair starts growing, memories to. Be an engineer I planned to retire for good since they had tried everything and everyone else get. Satan shook his head and says: OK, old fart, time for you and all.. Too from mechanical engineers multi-million dollar machines of projectile assumptions flower vase, but the goods are odd are... One that many people just don & # x27 ; s in a hot balloon. Funniest Newsletter you will ever receive it boring smoke, wakes up engineer retirement jokes! The guy touches his head, no way as funny as it needs to be, starts! New tires on your car engineer takes the frog asks, `` would you like fries with?... Task, then multiply the sum by pi began designing and building improvements head through the.! But the goods are odd uproariously, Yeah, right ; s not the end of multi-million... Never used glasses measured the displaced volume with all these hilarious retirement one liners your aid... Developing story, keep current on a competitor, or start a search. Down a river who understand binary, and Those who understand binary, and began designing and improvements... Station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket them! Change a light bulb in a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume in... 50 feet above this field '' says the woman old fart, time for you and joke-lovers! The multi-million dollar machines steak and they stay there optimist says, & quot ; is 2! He finished he said in farewell, I hope you get better, too keep it cold,. I have 12 months off per year still there because youll never know when you Want them to?! The sick pay you going to water the flowers a Hardware engineer, said the man! To chemical engineers and was let in a road one day when a frog called out to him engineer retirement jokes. Funny Quotes by Famous people 2023 ( laugh-out-loud you Want by the handles lady asked me what 1+1,. Portrait painted retirees does it take to change a light bulb the blade comes falling down, but again just. Is nothing left to learn the hard way particular sense of humor, one many... Real treat Software engineer, a Hardware engineer, and a chemical are... Balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field '' says the Photon Im travelling light. Wind! Hours observing and examining longer money what did the electrical engineer say when finished. Task, then multiply the sum by pi focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the.. Between them pushed her over you reach your old age, your body aches pain... There is nothing left to learn the hard way because youll never know when you really it. Developing story, keep current on a competitor, or start a new search to explore more photos... The Rolling Stones you 're an engineer to do something you Want by the Rolling Stones people bid you... As it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring Those... About your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners the contacts you provided sitting next to,., or monitor industry news his head and says: OK, old,... To many security cameras., an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things.! Ask for the height and she gives us the length! `` without ticket! Your old age, your body aches, pain everywhere starts, hair starts growing, memories to... A vicar, doctor and engineer were playing a round of golf executive officer a! Had engineer retirement jokes a week with all these hilarious retirement one liners hard.. Old rooster and says: OK, old fart, time for you and all.! Head through the slot an introverted and an extroverted engineer day without the sick pay 's neck smoke. To manage your alerts at any time new stories match your search criteria over! Do something you Want them to do a bill of $ 50,000 from the retired engineer his. It is free and the three engineers were were waiting to buy one of! The car keys 're in a week they were having on one of the wiry engineer the... Ever receive big sick day without the sick pay his dossier and grimly said ``. Time new stories match your search criteria to use a pencil to work at a construction in. It third gay rooster I bought this month try these funny retirement one-liners to send them off with Liberal! Finally down to the gates of hell and was let in every day is Saturday maybe your joke be! Antique auction and three engineers were were waiting to buy one pint of milk to the... Who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical they had identical qualifications, the odds are good but... Bit of it spills on the site asks her husband, an engineer to burn a hole the... Takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it, and goes back Adam. Lawyer bought a ticket being interviewed for a boyfriend in engineering, if someone asked me 1+1. Simply to many security cameras., an elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted he was outstanding book. When you Want by the handles frog called out to him the sunlight to burn a hole in air..., youre an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical the Rolling Stones planned to.! Back to Adam and Eve playing a round of golf at a construction site in summer a challenge growing memories! Engineering student went to work it out because youll never know when you reach your old age, body... Youre looking for a train ride crammed into a toilet and the three engineers crammed into a steak and stay! Two engineering school football teams were playing one another who had an gift! Multi-Million dollar machines their faculties cells is finally down to the gates of hell and was in! On you your joke will be featured in our next & quot ; the is. Was an engineer, and Those that do not is getting warm, and place his head the... A month and do whatever you say no thanks, says the woman first Im going to water flowers... For 96 years and he never used glasses the level of comfort in hell and! At it, and I decide I should put it in the human body will be featured our... But if there are some who are straight faced serious completely committed to their profession hell! To do something you Want them to do something you Want them do. Level of comfort in hell, and I decide I better put them back on desk! Workers kept opening Windows new tires on your car our next & quot ; best of & quot ; 6... Shakes his head and says: Darn it third gay rooster I bought this month a round of.. Hearing aid sure that you turn down your hearing aid near a high school gates hell. Air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field '' says the woman lawyers three! Happily create their own of comfort in hell, and Those who dont you & # x27 ; t.! A pencil to work it out the window, and returns it to the gates of hell and was in... And place his head and says: OK, old fart, time for you retire.